Irene's Secret Tips, Products, and Interviews Geared Towards Showing Adolescent Girls How to Thrive and Excel in Our Cultural Times!

Encouraging Our Daughters to Be True to Themselves

Posted on: May 6, 2010

               One of the most difficult tasks that we face is to
               help our daughters live their lives with a strong sense
               of personal integrity. It’s a difficult task because
               as she heads into adolescence, her concept
               of her ‘true self’ is still only in the
               formative stages.
              
               Each year she grows, she is less and less willing to
               listen patiently to what we have to say. And because
               our replacement in terms of influence is her equally
               young and ever-changing group of friends, it is an
               uphill battle for us to encourage her to be true to
               herself.
              
               We know that when a girl has high self-esteem,
               she doesn’t waste time and effort on impressing
               others, because she already knows that she has
               intrinsic value. This is an implicit part of her
               reality. 
              
               But if she’s feeling needy of the approval of others,
               she’ll be willing to go to great lengths to get it. The
               desire to be part of a group, to fit in, is normal. The
               willingness to distort who you are in order to fit in,
               however, is a clear danger sign.
              
               Watch for the kinds of compromises that she
               appears to be willing to make.  This will give you
               signs for what she is willing to sacrifice. It is
               essential that our daughters don’t sacrifice parts
               of their true personality just to fit in.
              
               In some cliques, it’s not popular to be smart, and
               many girls are “dumb down” to be one of the gang.
               Suddenly, she may not want to play sports anymore,
               even though she loves it, because ‘cool girls’ don’t.
               Or she stops reading and starts watching a lot of TV
               so she can relate to the lunchroom conversation.
              
               These can be very subtle cues that something is
               problematic. Try to catch such instances so that you
               could help your daughter become more self-assertive
               and a wonderful, self-assertive young woman later
               on.
               
              ~ Irene

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Irene Roth

Irene S. Roth, Freelance Writer for Teens, Tweens, and Kids

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